They call me fragile.
Don't really understand why.
Born at 3 pounds, 4 ounces,
and this li'l' cuss fought to survive;
left the hospital 45 days later;
hadn't even heard from my Mum, a lullaby,

I've lived through abuse, rape and neglect,
kept the secret when I was molested
by two different men. Beaten by Mum.
Abandoned by Dad. Real father contested.
Many relationship ruined; friends and lovers alike,
and even came really close once to being arrested.

Too often I find myself in solitude;
spending many a day and night alone,
convincing myself that it really doesn't matter,
often wondering if someone's cut off my phone,
reaching out to others and calling old friends,
wishing someone would throw me a bone,

Fragile is just not a word
someone would use to describe oneself
most things are easy for me to handle
except for spending Christmas by myself,
or being broke at the holidays
or being broke in and of itself

Money is a trigger that sends me swirling
much too close to the eternal abyss,
everything spirals completely out of control,
when groceries don't get bought and payments are missed
so when they insist that I am fragile
maybe it's just me who is amiss,

Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Ann Murray