A friend of mine has organized an on-line Artist's Way group and I've agreed to do the 12-week course, again. I've done it on my own, in a group and facilitated several Artist's Way workshops and groups, or clusters - as Julia Cameron calls them. But being a part of a community doing the Artist's Way has always helped me before so I'm participating again.

But I have to admit that I started later than the others. I started Wednesday instead of last Sunday since, by my own fault, I missed the email announcing the start. And I start with the introduction. So today I read Week 1 (Chapter 1). I've done the morning pages, or as Julia likes to describe them - mourning pages, every day since Wednesday and I have had the most incredible breakthroughs:  I've realized why I continually sabotage myself financial and in other areas of my life, why I am constantly expecting ulterior motives whenever someone compliments me or my work, why I find it so difficult to trust men and how to rewrite my screenplay so that the audience identifies with my main characters in the opening scenes. That's a BIG breakthrough. I'm excited about this go-round with the Artist's Way. 

Being the overachiever that I am (ahem, I heard that) I've also taken on several other projects: reading the Prayer of Jabez each week, praying the Prayer of Jabez daily, intellectually studying the Lord's Prayer, reading Secrets of the Vine each week, an exercise program (I've lost five pounds already), and doing Julia Cameron's intermediate course Walking in this World. I figure since I've done Artist's Way already and I'm doing a 12 week course where I can only read one chapter a week, I may as well put the rest of the week to good use and read one chapter a week from the next book. I'm also tackling Finding What You Didn't Lose (a poetry 12 week course) and Drawing on the Right Side of Your Brain (a drawing course). In between, I'm reading Chop Wood, Carry Water and I plan to tickle the ivories in hopes that I can learn to play a few songs on the piano.

Busy, busy, busy.

But the best part is - I'm having fun, stretching my boundaries and accomplishing something in the meanwhile. And I'm in a really great mood. I started The Prayer of Jabez on Wednesday and the next day I got the call that I start my new job on Monday and at the pay rate that I requested. YEAH!!! Being proactive here in enlarging my territory.

So when I read this mornings chapter after already doing my 3 longhand morning pages, I was amazed at the results of the assigned tasks that I took on. I have many core negative beliefs that atribute to my on again/off again writers block such as "my writing is not prolific enough or spiritual enough or original enough".
 
When I was prompted to write ten time "I am a brilliant and prolific author" as a positive affirmation, I couldn't believe how vicious my inner critic became. "Author? Author? You have to be published to be an author! And you have to write to be published! You suffer from writer's block more often than you actually write!" or "You're too damn old! You're too damn afraid!" But an amazing thing happened around sentence number seven. The voice in my head said "Why bother?"

Now I've heard that many many times, especially just before the recent holiday season where I questioned even my desire to continue writing, so I just assumed that my inner critic wanted me to give it up. But when I wrote sentence number eight, there was silence. Number nine - silence. Maybe my inner critic had given up. I continued to write the sentences. I noticed that my handwriting was getting bolder, bigger, stretching across the page. By the time I wrote sentence number 25, it reached across the page. Still not a peep from the inner critic.

I'm having fun now!

And I've found a way to motivate myself to write. Not just for now or for this one time but as a writer and soon-to-be author! Ain't life grand?!!