200th Post: 100 things you may not know about me
Well, 219th to be exact. Missed that milestone a few weeks back. It's been an emotional roller coaster the last 6 years since I started blogging. My first blog was about my first screenplay idea, procrastination as a writer and moral support.
Since then, I've been in and out of relationships, lost a fiancee to heart disease, and now in a very comfortable long term relationship. I've finally submitted a piece of writing and actually got it published. Finished that screenplay I had alluded to in that first blog but still need to cut 20 pages. I have started several others; one of which has potential and the others not so much. I've written much poetry, several short stories and started several novel length fiction pieces, a couple non-fiction pieces and now a mystery series which could potentially be a 20 title series. That'll keep me busy for a while.
I've played an extra in the movie Warm Springs, and the show Blue Collar TV.
There hasn't been much else in the way of excitement in my life in the last six years, or in my entire life, for that matter. I live vicariously through the characters in my books and characters in others books and movies. I'm rather an introvert and would rather spend hours emersed in a book than be surrounded by a crowd.
Here are some other things you may not know about me:
- I've been writing since I was 14
- submitted only one piece of fiction for publication and was accepted by the second magazine I submitted to
- love sci-fi
- Harry Potter fan, read all the books and watched all the movies
- Twilight fan, read all the books and watched all the movies
- top ten current favorite movies: Tequila Sunrise, Big Chill, Stealing Home, Dogma, Elizabethtown, Big Fish, Atlas Shrugged, Twister, V for Vendetta, Sleepers
- favorite music groups: Pink Floyd, Styx, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Sugarland, U2, Eagles,
- favorite musicians: Eric Clapton, Bon Jovi, John Mayer, Aaron Neville, Bob Marley, Dave Matthews, Ellis Paul, Joan Osborne, Jeff Buckley,
- love Lord of the Rings trilogy
- loves Star Wars, Star Trek, X-Men, Sherlock Holmes,
- absolute favorite tv series: Babylon 5 and Stargate:SG1
- loves Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother
- loves In Plain Sight, Royal Pains, Hawaii 5-0, Covert Affair, Burn Notice, Castle, Angel, How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory
- favorite color: all shades of red, especially burgundy, and purple
- have hair nearly to my knees, plan to donate it to Locks of Love when it finally reaches my knees
- fan of the Hunger Games books
- love to paint & draw
- fan of the Fallen books
- enjoy watching documentaries about WWII
- love all things Frank Llyod Wright
- love seafood, Italian, a good steak,
- love chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate but not fudge, especially Sarris chocolate from Pittsburgh
- love chocolate cover pretzels, chocolate covered peanut butter melt-a-ways, and chocolate covered nuts
- have probably nearly 2000 books-they're my drug of choice-and amazon.com is my best friend
- favorite pizza places - MaMa's Pizza in Alpharetta, New York Pizza Exchange in Smyrna and Fox's Pizza (a chain from Pittsburgh but recently moved to Cumming)
- Magharetta Pizza is my favorite pizza
- favorite pizza topping is pineapple
- love boating, swimming and anything to do with being on or in the water
- love Steelers football
- absolutely love Penguin Hockey
- collect penguins, clowns, mimes, masks, Emmett Kelley and beautiful journals
- love all things Paris and Eiffel Towel
- want to take an Alaskan cruise
- love all things Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse
- love to cook and bake
- collect recipes
- love all things Prince William and Princess Kate
- will spend hours reading tabloids about William & Kate, Jen/Brad/Angelina, Tom & Katie and Rob & Kristen and skip everything else
- think I was John F. Kennedy in a previous life (only half kidding) - fascinated by all things Kennedy
- favorite fiction authors: Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Patricia Cromwell, Sue Grafton,
- favorite non-fiction authors: Julia Cameron, Eric Maisel, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer,
- I'm a student of the Course in Miracles
- absolutely love everything Christmas
- love the snow but not the cold
- enjoy political, philosophical and religious debates
- enjoying studying theology
- favorite smells: camp fires, bacon cooking, bacon cooking over a camp fire, chocolate chips cookies fresh from the oven, burning leaves, fresh cut grass, fire in the fire place, used book store, ripe tomatoes on the vine, crisp cold day, lavender, jasmine, cinnamon
- favorite woman's cologne: Sand & Sable
- favorite men's colognes: Drakkar Noir, Halston
- prefer to wear high heeled shoes
- owned only five pair of shoes until I turned 36. Now I own over 200.
- love Gallagher
- love the beach, the mountains, the lake, the woods
- love board games (fav: Lord of the Rings, chess, backgammon), cards, dominoes
- own a Star Trek multi-level chess set and looking for someone to play
- did you know I was in a bank when it was robbed?
- I was also held at gun point during a convenience store robbery where I worked
- enjoy seeing the Nutcracker ballet
- my birthday is the day after Christmas - I was an early Easter baby (3 months premature) - I was in the hospital until February and no one expected me to leave the hospital at all
- I love sushi but I'm allergic to avocado
- I enjoy breakfast any time of the day
- love bacon and ham but not sausage
- love eggs over easy but eat only the yolk, I'm allergic to egg whites especially uncooked
- love scrambled but only with cheese
- will celebrate 6 years at my current job in March
- never held a job for more than 3 years before
- planning to start my own businesses on January 1st
- planning to jump into other creative endeavors on January 1st to supplement my income and support my writing
- will submit my first mystery novel for possible publication
- will self-publish my first book of short stories and poetry before the end of 2012
- love long walks on the beach at sunset and jogging on the beach at sunrise
- enjoy the rain dripping through the trees in a forrest
- love cinnamon ice cream, or butter pecan ice cream, or ice cream sandwiches and push-ups
- I weigh less now than I did when I graduated high school
- I've been trying to go back to school for a long time (too long)
- support non-profits such as Make-A-Wish Foundation, American Heart Association, and American Diabetes Association
- formed my own non-profit: Next Chapter Foundation (email me for more information) and plan to dedicate time to building this Foundation in the new year
- want to form other non-profits to help others (girls attending college, writers & authors, alcohol & drug addicts, those searching for spiritual guidance)
- favorite Christmas cookies: snickerdoodles and pizelles and peanut butter blossoms
- I'm a very traditional-old fashioned kind of girl
- I sang a solo (A Few of My Favorite Things) in Junior High in front of about 2000 people
- I love all things oriental-especially when they're red and black
- I collect inspirational quotes
- I hate eating by myself, especially in a restaurant
- my favorite actresses are Jodie Foster, Claudia Christian, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Helen Hunt, Keira Knightley, Salma Hayek and Natalie Portman
- my favorite actors are Hugh Jackman, Jean Reno, Orlando Bloom, Ewan McGregor, John Cusack, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Jason Lee
- I won a second place ribbon for a cake I entered in the County Fair when I was 16
- I love bracelets, especially gold bangle bracelets
- a psychic told me I was a gypsy in a previous life
- I'm a romantic at heart
- I held a hummingbird in my hand for several minutes
- my totem is a dragonfly (or a damselfly-yes, there is such a thing)
- I wish I was a red-head with green eyes
- I don't have a single grey hair and I don't color my hair
- I collect encyclopedias
- I wanted to be a psychologist when I grew up otherwise I wanted to be an FBI Profiler, brain surgeon or medical examiner and I still want to be a psychologist or a life coach (or both)
- My favorite Christmas show is Nester the Long Ear Donkey
- My favorite Christmas CD is A Charlie Brown Christmas and usually listen to it through June and I love the Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Christmas Eve and Other Stories
- I have over 750 items on my amazon wish list(s)
- And if you've read this entire list, you must really be a good friend
A solitary endeavor...
As I said in a previous post, I'm a firm believer in the advantages of community for writers but writing is still a solitary endeavor. Only you know what's percolating in that brain of yours. And even though many people colaborate on books, I'm sure that there's still quite a bit of writing done individually.
I have formed many writing groups of various forms over the years. Many have failed for various reasons but I still reach out to fellow writers to offer support and encouragement in the hopes of receiving the same. I'm a better writer because of my writing friends.
That being said, when I arrived at our last writer's group meeting, I knew what the next scene was that I wanted to write. I set up my laptop, got my coffee and snack, and began writing. It was going well and I was able to get to the heart of the scene; a sex scene.
I looked up at one point and realized I was surrounded by people. My heart was racing and I felt my face getting flushed. Oops.
Usually, I'm easily distracted by movement, especially when people enter the Starbucks or walk past the table where I'm writing or even the cars driving through the drive-thru. It's not such a big deal because I can easily delve right back into the writing. So when an extremely good-looking young man walked in to get his coffee, I just had to look up. Not a good idea at that moment. It was then that I realized what I was doing and the affect it was having on my libido.
Luckily, my group was near breaking up for the evening. I was able to finish up the scene in semi-solitude at the table as I kept peeking from the corner of my eye at other patrons, the beautiful people, as my heart still raced.
And I packed up my stuff at closing and went home, pleased with the days writing. Day is done. I got home and I still felt the urge (pardon the pun) to write. So I pulled out the laptop and delved into the next unknown scene and surprisingly, that scene lead to another, lo and behold, sex scene that I hadn't planned. This one between two most unlikely characters. Now, eventually, I have to write the scene where they "have to talk" about what happened. That should be fun. Especially since they won't end up together.
But the fun part was that I woke my boyfriend up in the middle of the night and I attacked him. He told me that I should write more sex scenes.
Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am very traditional -- or old fashioned, if you will. I do not like the fact that there are gratuitous sex scenes in movies and books. "Yes, but sex sells," I can hear you say, so they're there. I get it. I don't have to like it. I prefer the sex to be subtle. My favorite movie of all time has a sex scene all done in shadows; granted that movie was made in the early 80's but I've always been a fan of leaving things like that "up to one's imagination."
So maybe I'm a prude and I'm sure that my sex scene is far from super titillating. But my boyfriend wasn't complaining.
And next time, unfortunately I believe that there'll be another sex scene if I want my work to be published, I'll have to plan to write them in solitude.
Never Give Up...
There are still five days left to cross the finish line. Anything can happen in five days. I’ve written 10k words in three days before and I’m sure our schedules are nearly as busy. The trick is to recommit to the process. After all, only you can finish this masterpiece you started.
Masterpiece? You say. Not even close. Well, isn’t it a masterpiece in progress. You’ll never know if you don’t finish, and edit, edit, edit (in December). Every writer, including Stephen King, Patricia Cromwell, Dean Kootz, Stephanie Meyers, J.K. Rowlings, have doubted their first drafts but that didn’t stop them.
Besides, you’ll never know if you don’t finish. We started this November with high hopes and big dreams. Where did they go? The same place they’ve always gone. Because you’ve done the same things. NaNoWriMo is a chance to do something different. NaNoWriMo is the opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted to do and now, look at you. Are you posed to cross the finish line this week? Are you dedicated to your story to continue with it through December? Until it’s finished. And then edit it until you can stand it anymore? And then continue?
Writers write. And then edit. And write some more, and edit, edit, edit. NaNo is about crossing the finish line. It’s about the camaraderie. It’s about the challenge. But if you’ve taken up the challenge, then somewhere inside of you is a desire to see your name on a book jacket somewhere on the bookshelf in a major bookstore chain. (okay, Barnes & Noble. It’s all in the details.)
So it doesn’t really matter in the bigger scheme of things if you cross the finish line by midnight Friday but wouldn’t it be wonderful if you did? Challenged yourself to do whatever it takes to see WINNER! next to your name there on the NaNoWriMo website? Then you can say you’re on your way to being the writer you’ve always dreamed of.
May the Muse be with you…
Killing Your Darlings
After 8 years of tackling this 50k/30days writing challenge, I’ve heard the advice many times to kill your darlings. I’ve heard it and ignored it, saying that that is just not the kind of story I’m writing.
Which is ironic since every story I’ve ever written since I was 14 had some form of death in it. To me, death is just a part of life. I’ve killed characters at the end. I’ve killed main characters. I’ve killed minor characters. I’ve even had one main character dead at the beginning of the story and talk to us from the great beyond throughout the entire story.
But somehow, the idea of just throwing a death scene into a story seemed odd to me. It had to make sense. I recently lost my step-father to a heart attack and during the week that followed, nothing made sense to me. It still doesn’t. Sometimes, we just can’t explain it.
Life doesn’t necessarily make sense but fiction must make sense. But a death can come as a surprise in fiction. There should always be surprises in your story, just to keep the reader from putting your book down and never picking it up again. The bigger the surprise the better but it must be believable, even if your writing sci-fi or fantasy. Challenge yourself to write about bigger and bigger surprises.
For me, throwing a gun into a scene or murdering one of my characters was a challenge I never took on before. I usually knew that a character would die by the end of the story. But to just kill a character was so foreign.
But this year, I’ve decided to tackle a mystery. I had three characters dead at the beginning of the story and my main character would need to figure out who killed two of those three, sometime in the next twenty titles/books. (Did I mention this was a mystery series?)
But the very first murder mentioned in my book needs to be solved in this book (otherwise it wouldn’t be a mystery, right?) I had a police detective, someone other than my main character, looking into that murder (and the attempted murder of my main character). Suddenly he (and my readers) had more information than my main character and I had to do something about that. Next thing I know, he’s being thrown off a third story balcony and lying dead on the pavement below while another character is dead in her bathtub.
That was unexpected. My main character is about to learn that the man that she hoped would find the person trying to kill her is dead and she now has to step up and find the murderer herself and in the process step-up in her own life.
That’s been the goal since the beginning. She’s been a widow now for five years and has been in mourning just as long, while everyone else has shielded her from life. Book One will be an awakening for her. Having the detective die while investigating her life will awaken her to her own complacency and to the fact that she hasn’t been there for her friends and family, especially her child. Having your life threatened has a way of doing that to someone. In reality though, most people in that situation would eventually fall back into that complacency. In fiction, your characters may fall back into what is known as the “long, dark night of the soul” but they cannot stay there. It’s a moment where all hope is lost, usually just before the climb toward the climax of the story. If they stay in that forlorn moment, there is no climax, thus no exciting/surprising ending, and no audience.
And that’s not why we write. Having another two bodies at the morgue was not in the outline of my story nor did I set out to kill my detective but there was no other way to have my main character step up. She could allow life to happen to her throughout Book One or I needed a catalyst to force her to really live. The former would put my readers to sleep. The latter, I hope, will keep my readers turning the page. After all, I have twenty plus titles/books to write. And, I guess, a few more darlings to kill.
What happens to your story if you throw a gun into the mix? Or kill off a minor, or major character? Remember, death is a part of life. If there is blood running through the veins of your characters, whether it’s red or purple, there’s usually a way to kill them off. Then write about the repercussions. A friend of mine says that God know how each and every person will react to someone’s death and after all, are you not playing God with your characters? Explore what happens. They may take you off into a completely different direction and help you to cross the finish line.
May the Muse be with you…
Community
I hit the wall. No, not a real wall. Done that. No t-shirt needed. The proverbial wall that always appears in week two of NaNo. No matter how many years I’ve done this and no matter how much I prepare for it, the wall is always there. This year it came in the form of sheer exhaustion. Twenty-four hours of babbling confusion. The fact that I haven’t been sleeping well; nightmares, working late, waking early, and not taking care of myself; not eating right, forgetting my diabetes meds, sugar out of whack, I became a walking zombie and no matter the amount of caffeine I just couldn’t focus long enough to avert narcolepsy or sleep long enough to rest.
NaNo is not worth risking ones’ life no matter how much I try to convince myself that I must reach my daily word count. Luckily I’ve been ahead as far as that goes so taking a day off was not only necessary but essential. Especially since I managed to paint myself into a corner, figuratively.
I wrote such a disturbing scene in my last chapter that I just couldn’t continue. Writer’s Block. I keep telling myself I can delete it, in December, but just having that scene there staring at me, just made me literally sick to my stomach.
I could delete it but erasing a chapter full of words would delete, like, two days worth of word count. Turning the font to white might help but I want to keep the scene as part of the story but just allude to the details rather than go in depth about the atrocities and crimes my villain is committing.
I like alluding. And illusions. Hey, I can use that. BRB.
Okay, I’m back. Thanks to the participants at the Sunday morning write-in, I’ve managed to break through my writer’s block. They suggested several ideas, none of which I used (sorry) but it did get me to think of an alternative for a chapter (not necessarily the next chapter, though). And that brings me to a few pointers. One being community. NaNo is a community of over three hundred thousand writers going at this one word at a time, just like me. And just like you. If you think about that, that’s a very large football stadium (Superdome, if you will) full of people typing away, everyday, to cross the finish line. (sorry, just finished watching Monday Night Football. Go Steelers!) If you were sitting with all those other 300,000 participants, typing away, would you just stop typing, pack up you toys and go home? Probably not. You might stop and look around every once in awhile. You may get up and go to the bathroom, grab a bite to eat or another cup of coffee but you’d come back and add more words. You’d keep at it. Not just because you were there and didn’t have anything better to do. Not because you made the commitment to everyone there and to yourself to do this. Not even because it was all fun and games. You did this because there’s a book inside of you that’s been itching to get out. NaNo is the ticket that got you in the seat.
Community keeps you in the seat. I did my first NaNo completely alone. I’m an extreme introvert. Dealing with people completely drains my energy. (Not necessarily a good thing when you make your living from retail.) I thought I could do it myself. I failed miserable. I hit the wall in week two and never went back to that story (though I plan to someday). The next year I volunteered for co-ML and joined a weekly write-in lead by a very audacious lady whom I loved. As life goes, that little group fell apart over the years but new NaNo participants joined, fell away, formed into other groups, new groups, new participants, and now we have a new, growing group of dedicated writers who meet year round.
That brings me to point two; community online is fantastic. But community, in-person, will get you writing when you’re stuck, make suggestions to spur your creativity, throw up challenges, dares, what if…scenarios, share jokes and quotes, support you when life gets in the way, listen when you feel overwhelmed, commiserate when your characters won’t cooperate, and force you into a word war when you really don’t feel like it – and cause you to write 1,000 words and head off into a direction you never would have thought of otherwise. (thank you)
There are so many benefits to attending a write-in or forming one of your own. Before quitting, think about joining. Literally.
Writers Pep Talk
My writing friend reminded me of this quote I used several years ago. It’s one of my favorites.
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create – so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency, he is not really alive unless he is creating.
~ Pearl S. Buck
novelist and Nobel Prize recipient
This quote has gotten me through some tough times. When life gets in the way and I get frustrated, I have to remind myself that I am first a writer. My job is just a means to get me to my first book advance. When I feel left out or I don’t fit in, I remember that fitting in is not my goal, being like everyone else has never been my priority. I’m a people watcher. It’s fodder for my writing. I feel what other people feel and use it in my stories.
I have always felt things more strongly than most. It may not be such a big deal to someone else but it can knocked me out of my socks. I can write a scene that can bring me to tears and my hope is that it will bring tears to my readers.
The trick is passion. How passionate are you about your characters, your plot, your story? How can you find passion when those around you seems so dispassionate, selfish and self-center. To be passionate, it must be shared, and if we’re writing, do we not want to share our writing with the world? What can you share with the world, what message are you trying to convey in your story? Even if you just want to entertain your audience, how can you do that with passion? How can you gear it up a notch?
A fellow writer will kill off a character. I may delve deeper into my character’s psychic to find out what it is that she will kill for, or die for, or give up everything for. And then write about it.
Your audience wants to gets lost in your story. You have to get lost in it first. Write a scene that makes you cry, or angry, or one that fills your heart with indescribable joy. And then describe it as best you can. Pour your heart into your writing and a few hours from now, you’ll have been in the zone and amazed at what you’ve written. And in turn, your readers will be WOWed by your book.
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ROW80 goals: my focus for this past week has been on NaNoWRiMo and have been trying to manage my schedule to get to all my goals. Alas, some of them have fallen to the wayside. I didn't check-in on Wednesday and only read 5 check-ins. I did get over my goal or writing 1667 words a day since NaNo started but slipped a little prior to the 1st. I've journaled 5 days this week. I've done my meditations but not every day. I've read motivational material right up until the 1st. I've saved a chunk of money that I might have to dip into to get through this week. Beginning to feel better after my fall so I'll start up my exercise program again. I have lost weight since my clothes are ill fitting but I haven't stepped on the scale. And I've written two Pep Talks thus far for NaNo. I'd give myself 50% but that still a big fat Fail.
This week: write 1,700 words a day, journal 5 days, lose 1-3 lbs, exercise 20 minutes a day, meditate and read daily, check-in twice, read 5-10 check-ins, spend wisely & save money, and write another Pep Talk for NaNo.
How are you doing?
May the Muse be with you.....
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NaNoWriMo 2012 Day One Pep Talk
We’re coming up on the end of day one and you should be at 1,667 words.
How are you doing? Bet your off to a great start, lots of energy, and full of ideas. The biggest obstacle is deciding which ideas to use, right? Or was it staring at the blank page? Or even finding the time to right?
This is a big deal. You’ve made the decision to write 50,000 words in 30 days. You’ve made this commitment to yourself, and to the world of NaNoWriMo. But ultimately it’s up to you whether you cross the finish line. Are you really ready for this? I bet you’ve asked yourself that question a dozen times today and probably will ask again another hundred throughout the month. Are you really ready to write that novel? If not, then when?
When is it your turn to do something you’ve always wanted to do. I’m willing to bet that the idea of writing a book has been inside of you for a very long time. The idea of seeing your name on the dust jacket of a book sitting on a shelf in your local Barnes & Noble, a book you can hold in your hands to prove to the world that you did it, you wrote a book.
We WriMo’s all dream of the day that we’ve done it. But it’s so easy to forget that to have it done, we must first do it. The book doesn’t write itself, no matter what the professional book-a-year authors might project. Even they had to start somewhere, with word one, and then another and another. But they dedicated every moment of their free time to doing it. Sure they had distractions, family crisis’, bad days, writer’s block, blank page syndrome, and every other excuse that may be running through your head. When is enough, enough?
Today is Day One of the 2012 National Novel Writing Month. Did you reach the daily word count? If not, then what are you waiting for? There are dozens of WriMo’s who wrote their 1,667 words a day and now see their efforts in print and there are even a few who have seen their work adapted to the big screen. That can be you by this day next year. You just have to make the commit to, as Nike says, just do it! Otherwise, who will?
a quick note
I've begun thinking about a voice recognition program for my writing. After yesterday, having to be on the register at work and nearly in tears from the pain, I sure wish there was some kind of voice recognition program for POS. Between having to key in my id and password, sku numbers, removing security devices, handling merchandize, bags, money and everything else, it was ten minutes before I had to swallow a belly full of Tylenol.
Most of the other pain has eased or is completely gone but I'm still finding new bruises. I'm lucky. My aunt fell down the steps yesterday. At some point she blacked out, whether prior to falling or after the fall, I'm not quite sure. She's hospitalized with broken ribs. She's undergone a CaT scan and MRI. Waiting to hear her results. I'm sure she's feeling much worse than I. My prayers go out to her.
I had an interesting encounter the other day. We had a frank discussion of who I'm being. His observation is that I play the victim, I always seek out what's wrong and why something new won't work. (There was a third point that escapes me at the moment). The victim thing I've known for a long time. The other, I've recently figured out for myself. I've been meaning to journal about it but that's just not something that enters my mind when I pull out the journal.
In Marrianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love, she gives an example of her relationship with a friend who tells her that he doesn't want to get into a romantic relationship with her because she takes things so personal. She gets upset and he says that that is what he's talking about. She then asks how she could have done it differently. When he tells her to say "Don't flatter yourself" she begs to redo the scene. She finds a whole new respect for herself. She was exposed to a new paradigm.
So I'm looking for a new paradigm myself. I was unable to illicit one from my encounter. I don't remember a time when I didn't feel like a victim, except when I was playing a bitch, or a time before I knew the difference. I had many people enable me along the way. I've read a lot of self-help books. I've probably single-handedly kept the genre afloat.
My family is invested in my role as victim (victim mentality, I know) but I'm now distancing myself from my family. I realize I've surrounded myself with people and situations that enable me in this role. I'm feel as though I'm ready to break that mold. Just "show me how to get there."
As a self-help guru once said, "You don't need to know how electricity works, to turn on the light switch." I'm sure I don't need to know but I still want to know why. I've done enough research to know why. The problem with that is, knowing why doesn't necessarily change things. It's time to change things.
I've come to the realization that this whole 12/21/2012 things affects me more than I care to admit. As we get closer to the day, I realize that either the world will end, where nothing will matter much anyway, or this world will change dramatically, even if it's my own world.
So I will enjoy this years NaNo and at the end, there will be 21 days to struggle through and then I'll be free to create my life anew. I know you'll say that the time to change is now. I have 4 decades of programming to overcome. (I know, victim thing again) I've gone through this before. If there's any imagined justification I can use to not do something, then I won't. 12/22/2012 will be day one of the rest of my life (or not). It's less than two months away. I can live with wasting two more months of my life after wasting so much time already.
And if I meet my maker on 12/21/2012, I'll only have myself to blame for that wasted life.
But I'll still be writing right up until that day.
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Goals: I haven't added much in the way of word count but I have journalled four more days this week so I met that goal. I lost 2.5 pounds this week. My exercise has been on the back burner since my fall. Gearing up for NaNo just 3 days away. Read several motivational pieces while in doctors waiting rooms this week. Read 5 check-ins. Did my check-ins this week. And have actually managed to save a substantial amount of money this week. Found a car that I really liked but it's about double what we want to spend. Meditated twice. Not my goal but more than I've been doing. So I'd give myself a 6.5 out of ten. That a D+ or C- in my book.
This week: 1k words a day until Thursday which then becomes 1.7k a day. Journal 5 days. Lose 1-3 pounds. Exercise 20 minutes a day. Write a Pep Talk for NaNo before Kick-off on Wednesday night. Read and meditate daily. Avoid spending/save money. Read 5-10 check-ins. 2 Check-ins.
I need to reevaluate my schedule and find more time to write and make it easier to get to the screen (and avoid the tv screen). Any suggestions?
May the Muse be with you...
face first into the wall
I was walking down the stairs. I had some stuff on the landing half way down so I didn't see the last step. I missed it and slammed my face into the wall and managed to bounce down the rest of the stairs.
My first thought, I'm alive and didn't break my neck. I really thought I was going to break my neck as I was falling.
I ended up with a bloody nose, bumps on the back of my head, my jaw shifted, skinned my knee, bruises and stiffness everywhere, my back is out, and I have a headache from hell. I'm still finding small cuts and bruises and I'm going to feel like absolute shit tomorrow. I guess it's back to the chiropractor in the morning.
Two major falls so far this year. All this reminded me that I'm usually accident prone until I reach three. When I was a teenager, I fell at the bus stop and needed stitches in my knee. Then over the summer, I fell head first off the neighbors porch. The when school started again, I fell and needed stitches over my left eye. Car accidents happen in three's for me. Funerals too. I lost my fiancee last year and my step father last month and my great uncle somewhere in between. Weddings come in three's in my family too.
I'm just hoping this fall was number three and I forgot number one. I'd hate to see what a number three will look like since they usually escalate. Your prayers are welcome and maybe even necessary at this point. Thank you in advance.
So, to help myself feel better, I've come up with a purpose for this fall. My main character will now fall down the stairs. Someone has already tried to kill her so it will be another murder attempt (already had one character fall down the steps-wait a minute. I already wrote that and now it's happened in my life - again.)
So many times now, something I wrote has manifested in real life. Does that happen to you? It happens to me so many times, that it actually scares me. It has caused writer's block more than once. But it's the scary things, or the bad things, that end up really happening. Nothing like winning the lottery. I've tried writing that.
I've also noticed that the words that someone else is about to speak come to my mind before they finish their sentences. I can think about a movie and within a few days, it's on TV. I'm craving something and my boyfriend will suggest the same thing for dinner. I have deja vu often. Is anyone else experiencing this phenomena? Part of me thinks it has something to do with the advancement of the human race, an evolution that's supposed to take place on 12/21/2012. I believe the world is about to change and we will no longer have the same physical boundaries we currently have.
Maybe that fall knocked some sense into me. Or maybe it damaged some more brain cells. I really hope someone can corroborate some of this stuff for me or I'm really going to start thinking I'm crazy.
Anywho, my main character may just inherit my luck of the three. She's had her brake line cut and was nearly killed. Next will be a fall down the stairs and then the piece-de-resistance, the final murder attempt-which I think is going to be an induced allergic reaction to peanuts or shellfish or something like that while the murdered holds her epi-pen hostage.
So now that I've literally hit a wall, maybe I won't hit a wall when it comes to my writing and my nano project this year. Here's hoping.....
May the Muse be with you...
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Goals: I've written 1k words in two days while my goal was 1k a day. Journaled once but my goal is 5 per week so I still have time to reach that goal. Still haven't stepped on a scale so don't know where that goal stands. Did a little reading and missed my meditation goals. And if falling down the stairs doesn't count as exercise, then I missed that one too. Read 5 check-ins and did my own. So I'd give myself a 5 out of 8.
So goals are still 1k words a day(or 7k a week), journal 5 days out of 7, lose 1-3 pounds a week, meditate daily, read daily, exercise 20 minutes every day, check-in, read 5-10 check-ins a week, do one pep talk for nano every week, and start saving money to buy a new car.
grounded
With the constant barrage of information, lack of me-time, limited amount of writing time, and struggling just to get time enough to finish what has to get done, I'm feeling overly stressed these days. And people don't understand why I don't watch the news. If there's something really important going on in the world, I'm sure someone will tell me about it, I don't need to fill my head with all the negative propaganda the news has to offer. Especially with the late night news. I have nightmares enough already. (this week my nightmares consisted of being ignored by my dad only to have the mafia try to kill me and then this morning, a woman was trying to kill me. There's a theme here that I probably need to explore in my journal.)
I will admit though, that there are some television shows that I'm addictted to; the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, and Hawaii Five-O being the Top 3. And I am a movie buff. There are some movies that I just have to watch any time they're on TV and my collection is much bigger than I ever expected it to be. The very first movie I ever owned was Sex, Lies & Videotapes. I never understood the reasoning behind buying a movie if you've already seen it but when I managed a Movie Gallery and got a nice discount when I bought it, my collection grew by leaps and bounds. I even bought my favorite DVD's about 6 months before I got my first DVD player. I watch movies from my collection over and over. The same with the commentaries and all the extras. As a scriptwriter, I'm constantly searching for what worked and what didn't, and how they did it. As a writer, I look to see how things are the same and different from the books. So there are a few things that distract me from life, which is sometimes a good thing, and from writing, which is not.
I am an emotional kind of person, not that I cry at the drop of a hat (though sometimes that happens too). What I mean is that I often let my emotions dictate my behavior; such as spending, eating and writing. When the world gets to me (and it does nearly all the time) I eat too much, spend too much and avoid the computer, never a good thing no matter how you look at it. It's what causes my writer's block (among other things).
If I'm tired-no writing. If I'm upset-no writing. Depressed-no writing. Angry-no writing. Hungry-no writing. There's a small window of opportunity for writing in my world and if I get distracted, that may disappear also.
That's why I make appointments to write. I meet with fellow writers twice a week (or more) and just write. It's during these meetings that I accomplish the most writing (or updating Facebook-another distraction) but lately, I've forced myself to do more writing than surfing. If I have a good writing session, I'm excited about the story again and I'm more likely to write the next day and again the next day, as long as relationship-time doesn't interfere with writing-time.
So with all of these distractions, I was desperately in need of nature-time. I once read a report about how we feel so scattered because we're no longer in touch with Mother Earth. I sleep inside a box, disconnected from the earth, with 220 electric running through the walls, and florescent false lighting instead of sunlight on my skin. Our food and drink are so far removed from being natural. We step from our homes onto paved driveways, drive to work in box of electrical wires and gasoline/diesel. Step out onto paved parking lots and work in building surrounded again with florescent, 220 electric and add to that the computers. When do we step foot on honest-to-goodness dirt, or Mother Earth. We're so disconnected from nature that we feel lost and don't know why.
For weeks I've been longing to be outside. Watching the leaves change color makes me nostalgic. As a family, when I was young, we'd all pile up in my Grandmother's boat of a car and drive to the Appalachian mountains in Pennsylvania, or to Amish Country. We'd drive go-carts and have dinner at the Stone House. We'd visit Shawnee, or Youghiogheny River or Laurel Caverns or Fort Necessity. We stop at the spring house for water. As kids we spend summers and autumns in the woods.
And that's what my inner child misses tremendously. So yesterday, I begged the beau to take me to the mountains. (Never mind that we have woods behind the house that I always get distracted from). We fought the traffic for the Gold Rush Festival and the Moonshine Festival and headed to Helen to sit in the Octoberfest Traffic. We headed straight for Anna Ruby Falls where we hiked the half mile to the falls in 12 minutes. Once there, we caught our breath and sat listening to the rushing water. I slowly felt my sanity return. I was there once before, about twenty years ago, and I remember there being a hard packed trail to the falls. Now it's paved. There are stones lining the trail and when necessary, fencing. There are signs everywhere saying to stay on the trail but being the rebel I am, I just had to step off the trail and instantly I felt the energy of the earth course through my body.
I feel rejuvenated. I've even asked the beau about having a garden next year, (or two) and putting a picnic table out back so I can write somewhere outdoors. I need to spend more time in the great outdoors, whether it be at the park across the street, in the backyard, or at the lake. I don't mind boating in the cold.
Maybe then I'll feel more grounded than I have been of late. And get more writing done. (which I've realized helps me to feel more grounded. Funny how that works.
)May the Muse be with you.....
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Goals: I've gotten 1300+ written since my last check-in (minimum goal of 400 to preferred goal of 2,000.) I journaled 2 out of 4 days. Exercised one out of four. Haven't been on the scale yet. Didn't read and meditated only once. Did my check-in and read 4 check-ins.
So with NaNo just ten days away, I need to ramp up my goals, and meet them. Word count average 1k a day, or 7k a week. Journal five days. Exercise daily. Meditate daily. Lose 1-3 lbs a week. Read daily. Check in twice this week and read 5-10 check-ins.
I can do this.
c'est moi!
